Thursday, March 29, 2012

Inappropriate Google Searches

Sometimes law school yields extraordinarily inappropriate Google searches.

For example, my Education Law class requires statutory interpretation. As such, we read a number of statutes from the California Education Code every class.

While reading Cal. Ed. Code s. 48900, I happened upon a word I did not know. A word that had its own subsection of the statute. Cal. Ed. Code s. 48900 outlines grounds for suspension or expulsion of students enrolled in California public schools. While it includes the usual suspects like assault, robbery, extortion, sale/possession of illegal drugs, I happened upon s. 48900(p) which explicitly outlaws the unlawful offering, arrangement to sell, negotiation to sell, or sale of the prescription drug Soma.

Now, as a lifetime student relatively uneducated in drug subculture, I was exceedingly confused. What is this Soma? The only SOMA I'm familiar with is South of Market district in San Francisco.

So I turned to my law school bestie (sorry J-Koo) for the answer: Google. Apparently Soma is some sort of muscle relaxant that kids use in school to get through the day. They drift through classes in a pleasant haze. Additionally, it's an adequate date rape drug. That's probably more what the legislature was trying to prevent. In any case, I included my search history for your pleasure if you'd like to read more about it.

what is soma?
soma ca high school (FAIL)
soma outbreak ca high school (FAIL)
soma teen use
soma teen distribution
soma teacher ca distribution (FAIL)
soma illegal distribution california high school students (NOT CA, but just as good)

Reviewing my search history, I started to experience a wave of panic. What if someone else reviewed my search history? Did I alert the FBI as a suspect for Soma distribution? What if I ever decided to become a teacher and some sort of crazy search recorder released my information?

My neuroses meter started beeping like crazy. Frantically, I went to my search history and erased everything. Maybe no one would notice. Maybe nothing would be recorded. So what does a good neurotic person do? Post the results on her blog with a full explanation.

I, J-Hizzle, do not intend to distribute Soma to high school students.

In any case, this drug must be a serious problem if CA specifically outlawed it. I checked Westlaw for NY statutes and there were no references in the Ed. Law to prescription drug Soma. New York high school students may use Soma. I never heard any whispers of it when I was in school. Moreover, when I was doing my certification, there were no references to it. I suppose the West Coast is just more in vogue than the East Coast.

Of course, back in NY, we had to worry about more important drugs than Soma. Like heroin. Between 2006 to present day, there has been a HUGE outbreak of heroin and prescription pill popping among high school students (and apparently college students if you review the link below). Unfortunately, a boy from my high school passed away the year after we graduated from a heroin overdose. The high school I did the majority of my field work at had a huge heroin outbreak in 2008 where a bit less than a third of the senior class had to enter rehab during the middle of the year.

ny heroin outbreak
ny heroin outbreak long island high school students

More inappropriate Google searches:
--violent serial killers (I spent three hours on Wiki for that one the other day)
--violent sexual assault
--drug paraphernalia ca schools
--prostitution child

Really, this all applies to my education. Unfortunately.

tl;dr I hope the FBI doesn't check my search history.


  1. I'm going to choose to believe that there are heron outbreaks instead of heroin outbreaks. It's funnier and it'll freak you out.

  2. Wow. That is seriously creepy. Herons.

    1. Caw! Caw! (Or whatever sound herons make, since they're not crows.)

  3. Is Soma that synthetic pot? I have never heard of it either, and I feel I know *everything* lol

  4. Apparently it's a muscle relaxant. People mix it with codeine and other opiates to enter an extreme downer state.